​High Conflict Cases and Shared Parenting, Parallel Parenting May be the Solution.

Domestic Violence and High Conflict Cases pose additional challenges for Courts when making a determination regarding custody and visitation.

The Courts do not favor one parent over another and  Domestic Violence between parents does not necessarily foreclose a parent from obtaining custody or shared parenting.  The Courts will be focused on the Best Interest of the Children, based on R.C. 3109.04, which will include addressing safety issues.  The Ohio Supreme Court addressed these issues in Domestic Violence & Allocation of Parental Rights and Responsibilities.

Even if the domestic violence only occurs between parents, children are negatively impacted. Witnessing domestic violence can lead children to develop an array of age-dependent negative effects. Research in this area has focused on the cognitive, behavioral, and emotional effects of domestic violence. Children who witness violence in the home and children who are abused may display many similar psychologic effects.  These children are at greater risk for internalized behaviors such as anxiety and depression, and for externalized behaviors such as fighting, bullying, lying, or cheating. They also are more disobedient at home and at school, and are more likely to have social competence problems, such as poor school performance and difficulty in relationships with others. Child witnesses display inappropriate attitudes about violence as a means of resolving conflict and indicate a greater willingness to use violence themselves.

The Courts recognize the importance of having both parents involved in their children’s upbringing, but it still must be found to be in the Children’s Best Interest.  Traditionally, the Court would not grant Shared Parenting in High Conflict cases, but the trend has been to try and reduce the conflict between parents and not reduce parent involvement. 

In some cases, when parents seem unable or unwilling to co-parent, the Court will attempt to limit the parents contact to reduce conflict between the parents.  In an effort to do that, one option has been to utilize parallel parenting.  Parallel parenting is a technique in which divorced parents who wish to avoid contact do so by limiting their interactions. This solution works for high-conflict divorces, where parents may need some time to cool down before making amends or seeing and speaking to each other on a regular basis.

This parenting style allows both parents to be involved in their child’s life without having to be involved in their ex-spouse’s life. Parallel parenting can be a way to let the dust settle before transitioning to a more interactive parenting style that allows for cooperation and communication. However, for some couples co-parenting isn’t and won’t ever be an option. 

Parallel Parenting can be effective utilizations supports such as:

• Utilizing a third-party facilitator — They will help mediate the creation of the initial plan and any further face-to-face meetings that are required between parents. Several different options exist to moderate discussions, such as a childcare specialist, therapist, social worker or even a member of your church.
• Hammering out extremely specific details — The parallel parenting plan should be constructed to avoid any possible room for misinterpretation. This includes specific times and public places for exchanges, contingency plans for cancellations and methodology for dispute resolution.
• Reducing any kind of notion there will be flexibility — Deviating from a plan breeds conflict. You will need to design everything in advance down to the smallest detail on a shared calendar, and work to uphold the agreement unless there is some kind of catastrophic emergency that prevents you from doing so.
• Communicating only when necessary — Limit communications to only important details, and schedule regular intervals for sharing this information. Additionally, communicate through writing (email, letters, etc.) as much as possible so you can ensure all messages are kept formal and lack anything antagonistic. A shared “parenting notebook” that you can pass back and forth is a good way to document and share important information about your children.
• Running households independently — Parallel parenting means each parent is in charge of making decisions while the children are under their care. Do not send instructions or push the other to change their style. Unless your children are in imminent danger, realize that your way is not the only way to parent.
• Remembering to keep the focus on the children — You and your ex may despise each another, but you both love your children. Any aggravation you must endure from your ex can be endured for the sake of your kids. You may have to remind yourself that at times, but looking out for their best interests is your No. 1 priority.

 

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